Confidence vs. Competence: Why You Don’t Need to Have It All Figured Out

Have you ever stopped yourself from applying for a job, raising your hand for an opportunity, or speaking up in a room full of decision-makers because you didn’t feel ready?

Yeah, me too. And so has nearly every successful woman I know.

It’s because we all can have that sneaky little belief that holds us back—the idea that we have to know everything before we can take action. Maybe you think that you will be ready once you are confident and that confidence will be there once you’ve completed yet another degree or course, had more experience and gotten some approval.

But that’s not how confidence works. Confidence isn’t built from having all the answers—it’s built from taking action before you feel ready.

The Confidence vs. Competence Trap

Most people think confidence and competence go hand in hand—like if you just knew more or had more experience, you’d suddenly feel self-assured and ready to take on the world. Sounds totally sensible, right?

But the reality? Confidence is a feeling. Competence is a skill. And one doesn’t always lead to the other.

I’ve met plenty of highly competent, wildly talented women who still struggle with self-doubt. And I’ve seen people with very average skills show up with unshakable confidence—because they believed they belonged in the room and that their ideas were worth acting on.

So if you’re waiting for competence to somehow magically turn into confidence? You might be waiting forever.

How Confidence Actually Works

Confidence doesn’t precede action—it follows it.

Think about it: The first time you tried anything new, whether it was public speaking, leading a meeting, or even driving a car, you probably didn’t feel confident. You felt nervous, shaky, and maybe even a little bit like a fraud. I bet you asked yourself more than once, “ Can I really do this?”. But over time, as you kept doing it, you got better. And the better you got, the more confident you felt. Easy? It can be, but only once you commit to action.

That’s the confidence-competence loop in action. You don’t gain confidence before you start—you gain it by starting.

Waiting for confidence is like waiting for a bus that may never come. Sometimes, you’ve just got to start walking.

The Cost of Waiting Until You Feel Ready

Here’s the problem with waiting until you feel completely prepared: opportunities don’t wait for you.

How many times have you held back on applying for something because you didn’t meet 100% of the qualifications? Meanwhile, someone else—maybe even someone with less experience than you—went for it and got it. Ouch!

Studies have shown that women tend to apply for jobs only when they meet 100% of the listed criteria, while men apply when they meet about 60%. Let that sink in for a moment. What is going on here? It is not because men are more competent - it’s because they’re more willing to take a shot at something before they feel fully qualified and/or ready.

When you take a leap before you feel ready, you open the door to learning, growth, and proving to yourself that you’re capable. It’s a little magical, really, and a simple recipe for success.

How to Build Confidence Before You Feel Ready

So how do you get there - what exactly can you do if you’re stuck in the “I’m not ready” mindset? You act. Even when it’s uncomfortable.

Here’s how:

1. Take a Small, Bold Step Today.
   You don’t have to overhaul your whole career overnight. But you can do one small thing today that pushes you forward—whether it’s sending the email, scheduling the meeting, or saying “yes” before you feel 100% prepared.

2. Stop Overthinking and Start Doing.
   Confidence isn’t built in your head—it’s built through action. Overthinking won’t make you feel more ready. Action will. So take the step. Messy is fine. Imperfect is fine. Just move.

3. Borrow Confidence from Your Future Self.
   Picture the version of you who’s already thriving in the role you want. What does she do? How does she show up? Start acting like her today. Your brain will catch up.

The Bottom Line

Confidence isn’t a requirement for success—it’s the result of stepping forward before you feel fully ready.

So if you’ve been holding back, waiting for the moment you finally feel like you’ve got it all figured out? Consider this your sign to stop waiting.

You already have everything you need to start. And once you do? The confidence will follow.

Now tell me—what’s one move you’re ready to make, even if you don’t feel 100% prepared? Drop it in the comments!